The World’s Funniest Real Ads
Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.
For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.
Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.
Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.
Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.
Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.
Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.
Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.
Joining nudist colony!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.
Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts
Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.
Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.
Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.
Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.
Free.
Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.
Thursday, 9 February 2012
Fabio Capello has RESIGNED as England Manager
Fabio Capello has FINALLY resigned as England mananger which will finally let the club move forward.
The England Manager stepped down after a row over the sacking of John Terry as England captain.
The news leaves Harry Redknapp as favourite to takeoever after being cleared of all charges of tax evasion.
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
How To Stop Smoking
Write a list of the reasons why you want to stop, and keep them with you. Refer to them when tempted to light up. You may wish to read a separate leaflet in this series, called 'Smoking - The Facts'. This gives the reasons why smoking is so harmful and lists the benefits of stopping.
Set a date for stopping, and stop completely. (Some people prefer the idea of cutting down gradually. However, research has shown that if you smoke fewer cigarettes than usual, you are likely to smoke more of each cigarette, and nicotine levels remain nearly the same. Therefore, it is usually best to stop once and for all from a set date.)
Tell everyone that you are giving up smoking. Friends and family often give support and may help you. Smoking by others in the household makes giving up harder. If appropriate, try to get other household members who smoke, or friends who smoke, to stop smoking at the same time. A team effort may be easier than going it alone.
Get rid of ashtrays, lighters, and all cigarettes.
Be prepared for some withdrawal symptoms. When you stop smoking, you are likely to get symptoms which may include: nausea (feeling sick), headaches, anxiety, irritability, craving, and just feeling awful. These symptoms are caused by the lack of nicotine that your body has been used to. They tend to peak after 12-24 hours, and then gradually ease over 2-4 weeks.
Anticipate a cough. It is normal for a smoker's cough to get worse when you stop smoking (as the airways "come back to life"). Many people say that this makes them feel worse for a while after stopping smoking and makes them tempted to restart smoking. Resist this temptation! The cough usually gradually eases.
Be aware of situations in which you are most likely to want to smoke. In particular, drinking alcohol is often associated with failing in an attempt to stop smoking. You should consider not drinking much alcohol in the first few weeks after stopping smoking. Try changing your routine for the first few weeks. For example, don't go to the pub for a while if that is a tempting place to smoke and drink alcohol. Also, if drinking tea and coffee are difficult times, try drinking mainly fruit juice and plenty of water instead.
Take one day at a time. Mark off each successful day on a calendar. Look at it when you feel tempted to smoke, and tell yourself that you don't want to start all over again.
Be positive. You can tell people that you don't smoke. You will smell better. After a few weeks you should feel better, taste your food more, and cough less. You will have more money. Perhaps put away the money, which you would have spent on cigarettes, for treats.
Food. Some people worry about gaining weight when they give up smoking, as the appetite may improve. Anticipate an increase in appetite, and try not to increase fatty or sugary foods as snacks. Try sugar-free gum and fruit instead.
Don't despair if you fail. Examine the reasons why you felt it was more difficult at that particular time. It will make you stronger next time. On average, people who eventually stop smoking have made 3 or 4 previous attempts.
Stop Smoking Clinics are available on the NHS. They have good success in helping people to stop smoking. Your doctor may refer you to one if you are keen to stop smoking but are finding it difficult to do so.
Various medicines can increase your chance of quitting. These include nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) which comes as gums, sprays, patches, tablets, lozenges, and inhalers. You can buy NRT without a prescription. Also, medicines called bupropion (trade name 'Zyban®') and varenicline (trade name 'Champix®') can help. These are available on prescription. See separate leaflets called 'Smoking - Nicotine Replacement Therapy', 'Smoking - Helping to Stop with Bupropion' and 'Smoking - Helping to Stop with Varenicline'.
FOOTBALL ONLY OLYMPIC SPORT NOT TO SELL OUT 2012
Football is the only London 2012 event which has not sold out, with
approximately 1.5m tickets still available.
Football is still the biggest-selling sport at the games, but only 800,000 of
the 2.3m tickets have been sold.
approximately 1.5m tickets still available.
Football is still the biggest-selling sport at the games, but only 800,000 of
the 2.3m tickets have been sold.
TIPS FOR QUITTING WEED/CANNABIS
There are so many of us who take breaks from the herb only to get back on it once we're feeling better.
I am listing all of the benefits that I have personally noticed since I have quit. My stats are: smoked off and on for 21 years (started at age 12), chronic for the last 5. I have not smoked in 31 days, and with the support of friends and family I hope to never go back to abusing the stuff.
Here are the benefits I have experienced. I invite you to add your own, or do your own inventory at home to keep you on track.
(Yes, I am aware that there is some overlap between different benefits I am listing.)
Clear thinking; breathe better; smoother mood transitions; sharper mental dexterity; more articulate; better memory; working through stress more effectively; increased energy levels;
reduced depression (after the first few weeks off); deeper interactions with others; no "bottomless pit" munching out; boosted confidence; no social anxiety; better focus on task at hand; enjoying simple pleasures more deeply; clear lungs;
no concern about hiding something from my son; less stress; increased faith in my ability to control myself; no risk of arrest or legal troubles; increased joy; renewed self-respect; more free time; need to sleep less; more free cash; confidence to try new things; increased humility: asking others for help; better partnership with my girlfriend;
better ability to learn and remember new songs (I'm a musician); can travel without paranoia of border checks; safer driving; ho hassles of finding good weed; no need to associate with shady dealers; not supporting organized crime; true bonds with friends rather than co-dependent drug abuse ties; better fitness level;
reduced consumption of resources (ex. hydro power to grow the weed, chemical sprays and fertilizers, lighters/matches, rolling papers); new doors opening to spirit world (somewhere I only used to get to via cannabis); increased self-confidence to be "alternative" in ways other than drug use; confidence to take on any task I set my mind to; ability to strike up conversation with anyone I choose without fear or insecurity; no paranoia; increased motivation for self-improvement; feeling of wholeness that is not reliant on an external source.
That's over 40 benefits that I have encountered. I'd love to hear yours. I know that people who are struggling through the early days of withdrawal can use all the encouragement they can get, so please keep them coming!
I am listing all of the benefits that I have personally noticed since I have quit. My stats are: smoked off and on for 21 years (started at age 12), chronic for the last 5. I have not smoked in 31 days, and with the support of friends and family I hope to never go back to abusing the stuff.
Here are the benefits I have experienced. I invite you to add your own, or do your own inventory at home to keep you on track.
(Yes, I am aware that there is some overlap between different benefits I am listing.)
Clear thinking; breathe better; smoother mood transitions; sharper mental dexterity; more articulate; better memory; working through stress more effectively; increased energy levels;
reduced depression (after the first few weeks off); deeper interactions with others; no "bottomless pit" munching out; boosted confidence; no social anxiety; better focus on task at hand; enjoying simple pleasures more deeply; clear lungs;
no concern about hiding something from my son; less stress; increased faith in my ability to control myself; no risk of arrest or legal troubles; increased joy; renewed self-respect; more free time; need to sleep less; more free cash; confidence to try new things; increased humility: asking others for help; better partnership with my girlfriend;
better ability to learn and remember new songs (I'm a musician); can travel without paranoia of border checks; safer driving; ho hassles of finding good weed; no need to associate with shady dealers; not supporting organized crime; true bonds with friends rather than co-dependent drug abuse ties; better fitness level;
reduced consumption of resources (ex. hydro power to grow the weed, chemical sprays and fertilizers, lighters/matches, rolling papers); new doors opening to spirit world (somewhere I only used to get to via cannabis); increased self-confidence to be "alternative" in ways other than drug use; confidence to take on any task I set my mind to; ability to strike up conversation with anyone I choose without fear or insecurity; no paranoia; increased motivation for self-improvement; feeling of wholeness that is not reliant on an external source.
That's over 40 benefits that I have encountered. I'd love to hear yours. I know that people who are struggling through the early days of withdrawal can use all the encouragement they can get, so please keep them coming!
WAYS TO EARN MONEY FROM HOME ONLINE WORK
Get Paid to Take Online SurveysOne of the best ways to make money online is doing online surveys. Market research companies get paid from manufacturers and companies to gather feedback from their consumers, which they do by conducting online surveys. They then share some of that money with their members who participate in online surveys they conduct. Although, paid survey scams have mad it harder for people to find legitimate paid surveys sites, there are still hundreds of legitimate paid survey companies out there, willing to pay you for your opinion. Legitimate Free Online Surveys
Making Money with Affiliate ProgramsThis is by far one of the top ways to make money online. You are basically selling other people’s stuff for a commission. You can find digital products like e-books and short reports to promote on sites like ClickBank and PayDotcom. Affiliate Marketing for beginnersGet Paid to SurfGet paid to surf is kind of big on the internet. And of course, scammers are all over it as well. So, be careful and make sure you register with known and trusted sites. You won’t make much money, but not much work is required either.
Get paid to surfMake Money Selling Photos OnlineIf you like photography and can take interesting pictures, there are many sites you can upload your images too and get paid every time someone downloads an image of yours. The good thing is that one photo can sell over and over again. Imagine the potential of having 100s of images on few sites.
Get Paid for PhotosGet Paid Sharing Files OnlineThere are a couple of document sharing sites that you can upload any kind of file you own to, and every time someone downloads it, you get paid for it. Files can be in almost any format, from TXT to PDF and everything in between.
Get Paid to UploadEarn Money as a Mystery ShopperMystery shopping is becoming a popular method for companies to evaluate there employees and their customer services skills. Although there are a lot of different opinions about this, mystery shopping is actually growing as an industry. You will be assigned to shop and dine in different places and report your experience back. Depending on specific assignments, you can expect to get paid anywhere from $40 to $300 or more per assignment. Of course, the amount that you spend buying goods and services will be reimbursed. Sometimes you get to keep the item you bought at no charge to you. Get Paid to ShopSell Unused Items on eBay and CraigsListAlmost everyone knows how to make money on eBay these days and you are probably tired of hearing about it. But the truth of the matter is that eBay is a really good way to make money. Another great place to sell unused stuff is CraigsList. CL is one of the most visited sites in the world, so your ad will get viewed by many potential buyers and its free to place an ad on CL. Look around your house and find things you don’t need and use any more. List them on eBay for a fair price. No mater how much money you end up making selling your unwanted stuff on eBay, its still better than letting them dust in your garage! How to Make Money on CraigsListMake Money Designing LogosHundreds of new websites and blogs are born everyday. Most of them will need a logo, but not every site owner knows how to make a logo. If you have some design talent, you can make good money offering custom logo creations on webmaster related forums and classified ads sites. Don’t have a professional software? Use free imaging tools such as PhotoFilter to make stunning logos.Make Money Flipping Website and DomainBuy good domains and resell for a profit. Build a website or a blog, work on it for a while and get it going. It’s Just like flipping houses, when you get the site to a good point, put it up for sale. People like websites that are ready to go, and they do pay good money for it. Hundreds of website are bought and sold every day on sites like Flippa.com. Make Money Selling Domains
Making Money with Affiliate ProgramsThis is by far one of the top ways to make money online. You are basically selling other people’s stuff for a commission. You can find digital products like e-books and short reports to promote on sites like ClickBank and PayDotcom. Affiliate Marketing for beginnersGet Paid to SurfGet paid to surf is kind of big on the internet. And of course, scammers are all over it as well. So, be careful and make sure you register with known and trusted sites. You won’t make much money, but not much work is required either.
Get paid to surfMake Money Selling Photos OnlineIf you like photography and can take interesting pictures, there are many sites you can upload your images too and get paid every time someone downloads an image of yours. The good thing is that one photo can sell over and over again. Imagine the potential of having 100s of images on few sites.
Get Paid for PhotosGet Paid Sharing Files OnlineThere are a couple of document sharing sites that you can upload any kind of file you own to, and every time someone downloads it, you get paid for it. Files can be in almost any format, from TXT to PDF and everything in between.
Get Paid to UploadEarn Money as a Mystery ShopperMystery shopping is becoming a popular method for companies to evaluate there employees and their customer services skills. Although there are a lot of different opinions about this, mystery shopping is actually growing as an industry. You will be assigned to shop and dine in different places and report your experience back. Depending on specific assignments, you can expect to get paid anywhere from $40 to $300 or more per assignment. Of course, the amount that you spend buying goods and services will be reimbursed. Sometimes you get to keep the item you bought at no charge to you. Get Paid to ShopSell Unused Items on eBay and CraigsListAlmost everyone knows how to make money on eBay these days and you are probably tired of hearing about it. But the truth of the matter is that eBay is a really good way to make money. Another great place to sell unused stuff is CraigsList. CL is one of the most visited sites in the world, so your ad will get viewed by many potential buyers and its free to place an ad on CL. Look around your house and find things you don’t need and use any more. List them on eBay for a fair price. No mater how much money you end up making selling your unwanted stuff on eBay, its still better than letting them dust in your garage! How to Make Money on CraigsListMake Money Designing LogosHundreds of new websites and blogs are born everyday. Most of them will need a logo, but not every site owner knows how to make a logo. If you have some design talent, you can make good money offering custom logo creations on webmaster related forums and classified ads sites. Don’t have a professional software? Use free imaging tools such as PhotoFilter to make stunning logos.Make Money Flipping Website and DomainBuy good domains and resell for a profit. Build a website or a blog, work on it for a while and get it going. It’s Just like flipping houses, when you get the site to a good point, put it up for sale. People like websites that are ready to go, and they do pay good money for it. Hundreds of website are bought and sold every day on sites like Flippa.com. Make Money Selling Domains
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